


In This World

by der_tanzer



Category: Riptide (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-20
Updated: 2010-05-20
Packaged: 2017-10-09 14:55:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/88622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/der_tanzer/pseuds/der_tanzer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When everything in this world is wrong, there's always one thing that's right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In This World

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Penball](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Penball).



> Unbeta'd so any huge, embarrassing mistakes are mine alone. Not that they aren't anyway.  
> With thanks to valis2, for her advice as to how to really put the screws to poor Nick.

Nick opened his eyes to a world of fiery heat and pain. His vision was red, blurred and uncertain, the hands on his body far away. Did he know those hands? Did he know his name? Did he want to, if it meant being this man, feeling this pain, alone in this world? No. God, no. Nothing in this world of hurt could be worth it.

Then he heard a voice. _His_ voice.

"Nick? Nick, baby, are you with me? It's gonna be okay, Nick, I promise."

Not alone. _He_ was there. The one whom he would live in this, or any, world for.

"Cody?" he whispered, his voice cracking like overheated glass.

"I'm here, baby. It's okay, just stay with me."

"What—what happened?"

"It's not important. Nick, just stay calm. Don't panic, okay? You're gonna be all right."

He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on that voice. Then another thought struck him and he tried to sit up. Pain slashed through his body, all fire and ice, and Cody's hand on his shoulder held him down.

"Murray," he gasped. "Where's Murray?" They'd been flying. He was in charge. He couldn't lose a man while he was in charge.

"He's okay, Nick, I promise. He went to get help."

"What happened?" he asked again. They'd been flying, he knew that. But he didn't know how they got down.

"Those bastards shot us down. You didn't have your harness on, you big dummy," he added, and even in his miserable state, Nick heard the tears in his voice. Slowly, the memory filtered back. He'd taken off the harness to reach an ammo clip under the seat while Cody held the stick. Then Cody dropped into the back, started shooting, and things went screwy. The tail rotor, he thought. The smugglers in the other chopper took out the tail rotor and _Mimi_ started spinning. He couldn't put her down straight. All he'd been able to do was reduce power and let her settle herself as best she could. If the fire in his chest was any indication, she hadn't done very well.

"_Mimi_," he whispered. "How bad?"

"Fuck _Mimi_. I'm going to burn that thing to the ground myself, first chance I get. Jesus, Nick…"

"I don't want to hear you badmouthing my chopper," he sighed. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Cody snapped. His arm was broken, which was why he'd been left behind while Murray limped away to find a phone. But Cody knew he would have stayed anyway. There was no logic to it, but Cody didn't need logic. He needed Nick.

Carefully, ignoring the pain, he took off his shirt and tore it into pieces with his teeth, using them to wipe the blood from Nick's face and put pressure on the worst of the wounds. He'd hit the panel hard, cracked the windshield with his thick, stubborn head, and when he stopped talking, Cody wept in terror and frustration.

He forgot his broken arm as he caressed Nick's still face, realizing how little life there would be for him in this world, without this man. He had nothing else. The boat he'd dreamed of all his life, the work he enjoyed and the friends he loved were all nothing compared to Nick. Toys and shadows and slight acquaintances, all of them. Nothing to make a man get up in the morning. He hung his head, tears dropping on Nick's face, smearing the streaks of blood. Even when he heard sirens, he didn't look up.

_"Ryder. His name's Nick Ryder. He's the pilot." Not_ a_ pilot. _The_ pilot. The only pilot who meant anything to Cody, now or ever._

_"And your name, sir?"_

_"Allen. Cody Allen. Please, let me go with him."_

_"Sir, you need to hold still and let us examine you."_

_"No. I'm all right, damn it. I need to go with Nick."_

_But they held him down. The medic tightened the straps around his body until Cody stopped fighting. Suddenly he remembered what would help most here._

_"Where's Murray?" Murray would help him. He had a way of reasoning with these people, one professional to another, understanding their jargon and trumping it with his own._

_"Who?"_

_"Murray Bozinsky. He's the one who called in the crash."_

_"I don't know. Hey, Robert," he called to one of the men working over Nick. "Do you know anything about the guy who phoned this in?"_

_"Yeah, he collapsed at the gas station. Unit 42 picked him up already."_

_"Shit," Cody murmured. Murray must be okay, he got to the gas station and made the call, but he wasn't going to be able to help them anymore. "Please, just let me stay with Nick."_

_"Look, guy, if it's any comfort, you're going to the same hospital."_

_Cody realized that it was. _

"This the chopper crash?"

"Yeah. This one, Allen, he's got a fractured radius. Not too bad. The guy behind us, he's a mess. They said there was a third. Did 42 bring him here?"

"He's in surgery already."

_Surgery? Murray? _ But it was too much. Cody closed his eyes to the words and the harsh florescent lights blurring by overhead. He felt sick and didn't know if it was from the injuries or the fear. They pushed his gurney into a curtained cube and a doctor came to look at him. Not long after, he heard them talking about Nick in the next cube, and became painfully uncooperative until the curtain was opened between them. The doctors had feared that he would panic at the sight, but Nick's stillness was infectious, and Cody grew still at once.

In his head, though, he was talking a mile a minute. _Nick, wake up. Wake up and look at me, baby. I'm right here and I love you. _

Even after they took Nick away, he kept talking in his mind. The doctor sedated him a little and set his arm, but the monologue went on. It continued during observation, and after he was released. He went up to recovery to see Murray, who'd had a piece of steel taken out of his leg and wasn't really awake yet. Cody let him sleep and went to the waiting room to continue his talk with Nick.

_Cody? Cody, man, where are you? Why can't I open my eyes? It's dark and I'm cold and where the hell are you? Cody?_

_He never made a sound, but in his mind, he was screaming. _

"This is Mr. Ryder, from the chopper crash," the nurse said, guiding his bed carefully through the doors.

"Good. Let's put him over here with his friend. I've heard these boys all get difficult when you try to keep them apart."

Nick wondered who his friend was. He prayed it was Murray. He knew Murray was hurt, but that he was okay. If it was Cody, then everything was a lie and he would have no hope left to cling to. He wished he could open his eyes and see who was there when the bed came to a halt, if it was tousled brown hair, or sleek gold on the next pillow. He wished he could speak, or move, or understand. And, still wishing, Nick slept.

_ "Are you with Mr. Ryder?"_

_"Yes," he said, leaping to his feet. Still groggy from painkillers, he stumbled a little and the nurse steadied him with a hand on his good arm._

_"Are you family?"_

_"Yeah, I—yes." It was so much simpler that way. "How is he?"_

_"He's in recovery, with your friend. He has some broken ribs, some damage to his liver, but he'll be all right."_

_"What about his head? He hit his head pretty hard."_

_"Well, we won't know much about that until he wakes up. They didn't find any signs of swelling in his brain, which is good."_

_"When can I see him? Can I go in now?"_

_"He won't know you're there."_

_"Yes, he will. Please, he needs me."_

_Well, he was family, she decided, and led him to the recovery room. _

Cody sat down between Nick and Murray's beds and gave Murray a gentle pat on the arm. Murray was still sleeping, and Cody had called Quinlan in Sacramento to let him know to come home. The lieutenant would hate himself for not being here, for having to go to court today, even it wasn't his decision. Even if no one could have known what would happen. But at least he might get back before Murray woke.

Having done all he could, Cody turned to Nick, leaned his good arm on the bedrail and picked up the nearest hand, prepared to wait.

Quinlan arrived and said hello, asked about Nick in a distracted way, and pulled up a chair on the other side of Murray's bed. After a while, Murray woke and was moved to another room. As they took him away, Cody heard him complain, saying he wanted to stay with Nick. Quinlan called him a fool in that gentle way that meant he was anything but, and told him Nick was fine. He had everything he needed. Long minutes passed before Cody realized that meant him.

"He always talks in riddles," Cody told Nick. "Have you ever noticed that? Murray said once that Ted almost never uses the word love, but that he tells him he loves him every day. By calling him a fool, or just offering him a beer. It's something they seem to understand.

"I don't think I'd like that very much. You call me names sometimes and that's okay, I know you don't mean it. It's just that famous Ryder sense of humor. But I don't know if I _would_ know if you didn't say so all the time. That you love me. I need to hear it so often, and Murray hardly ever does. You wouldn't think it'd be that way, would you?

"But I think you need to hear it, too. How much I love you. How you're everything in this world to me. I try to tell you. I try to remember to say it, but maybe I don't often enough. Do you know, Nick? Do you know how I feel?"

_Somehow the words reached him through the veil of pain and fear. The cold began to recede, like fog before the morning sun, and he felt Cody's hand, warm and sure on his. It was bad, God, it was so bad, but maybe it was manageable. Maybe Cody could guide him through it, take the pain away. If he just kept talking, pouring that thick honey voice over Nick's wounds, maybe it would be all right. _

_But what if he went away? What if he thought Nick was sleeping and left? He mustn't leave. He must keep talking and touching or all would be lost. Nick would have to answer him. His throat said no, his chest said never, but his heart said_ NOW.

"I know," Nick murmured.

"Hey, you're awake. Aren't you? Nick, talk to me."

"Keep your voice down, babe. My head's killing me. What's going on?"

"You crashed your damned chopper," Cody said, stroking his cheek, trying not to cry. "But you're okay. Everything's okay."

"What about _Mimi_? She gonna make it?"

"I don't know. That depends on how much work you want to put into her. How do you feel? Besides your head, I mean."

"Not great. Where's Murray? Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine. He needed a little patching up, but he's in a room now. Quinlan's with him; everything's okay."

"Thank God. And what about you? What's with your arm?"

"Broken, but it's no big deal. You'll just have to hurry up and get out of here so you can start taking care of me. You know, giving me sponge baths, helping me dress…"

"Hey, hey," Nick laughed, holding his ribs painfully. "I think you're gonna be taking care of _me_ for a while. Or, better yet, you and me can stay in bed and Murray can wait on us both."

"Sure, he'll go for that." Cody was smiling, still caressing him in a way that was probably not subtle even to coma patients on other floors, and Nick felt the pain fade away. Even his ribs stopped hurting under that gentle hand, and his arms slid down to his sides again. It was so sweet here all of a sudden. So easy and right. He felt his eyes closing involuntarily and struggled to keep them open, but it turned out not to be up to him.

"Baby, you go ahead and sleep," Cody whispered, kissing him on the forehead. "I won't leave. I love you, Nick. I love you so much."

"Love you, too," Nick mumbled. "I'll—I'll try to say it more."

"Don't. You don't have to. I know."

"Cody," he said, so soft and slurred that only his true love could have understood. "You're the only thing in this world for me, too."

**Author's Note:**

> To find out what Murray was doing all this time, check out [The Other Side of the World](http://archiveofourown.org/works/145111).


End file.
